The Blueprint - Issue 2 | September 2026

Growing up, I was taught to delegate all decision making to appropriate authorities - my father, my husband, a male preacher, and above all else the silent G-d I had been taught to fear. Independent thought was arrogance and pride and led straight to eternal damnation. Once I questioned the literalness of this teaching, asking my father, "Are you saying that if I am in the grocery store trying to decide which brand of toilet paper I should buy, I need to stop and pray and ask G-d which is the best brand?!" And to be honest, I really shouldn't have bothered to ask. I promptly dismissed it as absolute poppycock, but beyond the annoyance of having it suggested that I was so gullible as a woman that I couldn't be trusted to choose the best toilet paper without outside intervention, there was a cost to that upbringing that no one explained, or maybe they never considered it.

Fast forward twenty years, I was a parent of a very adorable and convincing three year-old. Every time we go to Walmart, he asks for a new Matchbox car. I look at that angelic face struggling to decide if I will buy him a new car. 

I considered the logical factors involved. The Matchbox car is only 99 cents. It won't break the budget, so that is not a reason for declining to purchase it. I don't want my son to grow up thinking that every time he asks for something he will always be told yes. I don't want my decision to be arbitrary. I don't want him learning to believe there is no point in asking. What is the "good parent" decision? 

I didn't know and as I struggled to piece together some sort of intelligence into the decision each time the question was asked, I knew at that moment, asking G-d for guidance was not the answer. Asking my husband, who loved to shop and collect Matchbox cars himself, would not add clarity. I didn't know how to make the decisions in life that mattered. Twenty years later, as an empty-nester, I discovered it was essentially as easy as making an ice cream sundae.

It sounds overly simplistic, maybe even verging on absurd, but give me a moment and I think you will agree with me. Very few of us make a disaster of our ice cream sundae and making all those choices is half the fun because we know what we are trying to create. We have the skills we need; we just haven’t learned to transfer the skills to life’s bigger choices.

Step 1: The Vision & Impact

It’s a hot summer day and you get a hankering for a hot fudge sundae. Not the boring fast food kind that is merely soft serve with a dribble of hot fudge, a real hot fudge sundae worthy of every ounce of drool it will generate. 

In the case of your ice cream sundae, step one is a very natural process. You start imagining what your ice cream sundae will look like and taste like. What kind of ice cream will line the bowl? For me, I am dreaming of a chocolate cherry cordial ice cream, the one that is like eating a bowl of frozen chocolate covered cherries! Mmmm, that is the best! And a sundae isn’t officially a sundae until it is loaded up with toppings! I want hot fudge - my mom’s homemade recipe that I loved so much as a kid. I don’t want the candy sprinkle, ick! I definitely want to add Recess Pieces scattered throughout it though and oooo, miniature dark chocolate chips and marshmallow bits!

At this point, my mouth is literally watering! I can’t wait to dig my spoon into that bowl! I can imagine the creamy goodness; the swirls of hot fudge; the crunch of the Recess Pieces, chocolate chips and marshmallows. And then there are those bursts of bits of cherry bites folded into the ice cream, simply scrumptious. I spend time imagining the contentment I will experience with each bite I enjoy. This is going to be fantastic.

The key here on step one is to make the picture as graphic and palpable as possible. These details help provide those dopamine hits that help us stay motivated. Three things to remember here:

• Dopamine Needs Detail: Abstract goals ("I want better work-life balance") don't generate neurochemical momentum because the brain can't "see" or "taste" an abstraction. Graphic details ("Leaving my desk at 5:00 PM, feeling the cool evening air on my ride home, and sitting on the porch with no unread emails hanging over my head") give the brain a concrete target to chase.

• Somatic Anchoring: Making it palpable bridges the gap between thought and sensation. When you feel that anticipatory contentment in your body, it transforms a chore into a craving.

• Friction Reduction: That dopamine spike lowers the activation energy required to take action. You aren't forcing yourself to do the work through sheer willpower; you're pulled forward by the desire to complete the picture you just designed.

Step 2: The Detailed Terrain

Now that you have a detailed, textured image of what you want your ice cream sundae to look like  before we plunge our spoons in for that first bite, let’s take a look at the terrain. What does the journey ahead potentially look like? This will allow us to create a plan that acknowledges what we could encounter as we start to make this hot fudge sundae a reality. I think of it as identifying the Best Case Scenario, Worst Case Scenario and the Roadblocks that we could encounter.

Identifying the Best Case Scenario pushes that picture we initially created further. This is where you explore those optional, would-be-so-nice-to-have features of what you are creating. In making my dream ice cream sundae, I know two things I could add that would make it extra special. If I don’t have them, I will still have an incredible treat, but a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry on top would be an amazing finishing touch!

Figuring out where this plan could go wrong with your plan may be a little more challenging. Let’s be honest, looking at what could go wrong, or get twisted around, or ruin our perfectly delectable hot fudge sundae is never as much fun as imagining how it will taste. However, this step will help minimize unintended impacts from occurring as you start the build process. 

In the land of sundaes, many things could come between me and my perfect sundae. I could be in the middle of building my frozen work of art and I could get interrupted - either before I finish building it or even after I’ve taken the first bite and by the time I come back, I could have a soupy mess. I definitely don’t want that to happen. I also know I don’t like doing dishes and might use a paper bowl to minimize the clean up. What if I go to carry my sundae to the table to dig in and the weight of the sundae could cause the bowl to break and dump all over the floor. That would be a huge mess - worse than a few dishes! Are there other ways my plans could go awry? 

Finally, I want to look at the path towards my hot fudge sundae to identify roadblocks, those pesky little things that could stand between me and the enjoyment I am anticipating. In real life, I find these prickly roadblocks often fall into five different categories.

• Goody-Two-Shoes Conditioning: The internal voice telling you that you don't deserve the sundae or need permission to build it. In terms of my ice cream sundae, my inner health coach could chide me about eating a high sugar treat.

• Systemic Indoctrination: External rules or cultural expectations dictating what your "bowl" should look like instead of what you actually want. My father spent several years of his early career managing a restaurant, for him a sundae wasn’t a sundae unless it was in a special glass dish with hot fudge drizzled on the sides of the glass in a decorative pattern. Will not being able to meet this criteria for an official sundae get in my way?

• Energy Limits: Running out of gas before you can pull the elements together. I think I have a partial jar of maraschino cherries in the fridge - what if it turns out someone snuck the last one and left a jar of juice in the fridge?

• Time Constraints: Not protecting the space to assemble and enjoy the creation without rushing. If I have some place to be at a particular time, this commitment can be a roadblock if I wait too late to start making my treat.

• The Yield Reflex: The habit of handing over your spoon or giving up your scoops when someone else makes a competing demand on your capacity. This one can be a big problem for me. I can just imagine the situation. I’ve just finished making the perfect hot fudge sundae. I’ve loaded the first bite on my spoon and have it half way to my mouth when my favorite human walks in telling me how rough their day has been. Without thinking I respond, “I just made this hot fudge sundae. Why don’t you enjoy it? It will make you feel better.”

All of these things could come between me and my ice cream satisfaction. If I truly want to make and fully enjoy my dream sundae, I will want to identify them before I encounter them.

Step 3: The Operational Blueprint

Step three is where you will put together your plan for actually making your intention a reality. To do this you will need to look at three things:

• Action Steps: Think about your best and worst case scenario and any roadblock you may face and make a list of the things you need to do in order for you to be able to build and enjoy your hot fudge sundae. 

• Structural Boundaries: What boundaries can you use to encourage your Best Case Scenario to be your outcome;  prevent your Worst Case Scenario from playing out in your life and to overcome the roadblocks you are anticipating?

• Deconstructing the Yield Reflex: One of the roadblocks you may find yourself up against is the urge to put other people’s needs, preferences, vision, etc. before your own. Planning for the ones you find most challenging. The Yield Reflex Defense Protocol in this issue of The Blueprint goes into the details of how to tackle the yield reflex deconstruction work.

In the case of the best case scenario, it is easy to influence that outcome. Step one, add whipped cream and maraschino cherries to my shopping list and step two, if funds are limited, using strategic shopping strategies could easily make the difference. I could also consider whether there was another topping that was less important to the overall end product my taste buds will enjoy. 

The potential desert tragedies of my worst case scenario that I could encounter would truly ruin my enjoyment of the perfect treat - interruptions that leave me with a sloppy soup of a mess and a cheap paper bowl collapsing under the weight of my creation. No thank you! 

Mess prevention at the fault of cheap paper bowls is easily managed by making a note of the brand or quality level I am looking for on my shopping list.

As for the roadblocks some of them may need support from the Yield Reflex Defense Protocol, and others are more straightforward.

• Goody-Two-Shoes Conditioning: I’ve been working on improving my health and there is a little voice telling me I shouldn’t succumb to the temptation. And you know what, my inner healthy-nut may have a point, but then again, I have been very diligent about managing my sugar intake and I practice temperance as a guiding value.

• Systemic Indoctrination: While I have very fond memories of my dad making the family ice cream sundae so the presentation was perfect. We would all laughingly ooo and ah his creations. However, living up to my father’s expectations of the perfect ice cream sundae doesn’t increase my joy today. I can hold those memories fondly and make it my version of perfect.

• Energy Limitations: Whether it is my physical energy or ingredient limitations, I can easily plan ahead and check what I need and schedule the delight for a time when I won’t have to rush.

• The Yield Reflex: Demands or requests that I surrender my spoon follow a similar process, with different wording, as the interruptions I might face. I can plan to respond with, “You know what, there’s enough for you to have one as well. I’ll leave everything out so you can make your own.”

Step 4: The Sovereign Support System

This ice cream sundae is starting to sound too good to not finish and we are down to the last two steps! The first is identifying our internal anchors, such as core beliefs, values and personal strengths, we can rely on to support us through the execution process; and those people who can support my efforts should I need help.

In planning for potential interruptions that I know have triggered hefty cases of people pleasing for me in the past, I have already hinted at a belief that supports my endeavors, namely that my needs, wants and intentions are just as valid as anyone else's. My guiding value of temperance supports my enjoyment while honoring the concerns of that inner health-nut. I also know that if someone needs something right away, my co-worker can help cover for me. Identifying her as a part of my support system helps me to remember that I don’t have to do everything for everyone. I do, however, need to communicate my needs with those who can support me.

Step 5: The Momentum Super-Charger

Phew! Last step. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for this sundae! In many ways, the promise of what I will enjoy, is probably enough of a momentum super-charger, but in case it isn’t, this step helps me move around the potential drag of building the momentum to get started. 

So what simple step could I take right now to kick off my Ice-Cream-Sundae-Palooza? I know, let me go take inventory of my supplies and build my shopping list! I have my phone and my note taking app, I’m going to head to the kitchen now and figure this out.

Thinking back to my son and his requests for Matchbox cars, I really wish I had known these five steps then. Having a framework to work would have made balancing the competing priorities much easier. It would have freed me from making the perfect parental decision and allowed me to tap into creative options for supporting the values I wanted to teach him.

Disarming the Yield Reflex

We’re all familiar with the body’s fight or flight reactions to threats. A threat comes up and your brain quickly tells you what to do without much conscious input from you. You either run as if your life depended upon it, or you ready yourself to fight. But what if those two options aren’t available to you, what do you do then?

When looking at how the nervous system reacts when it cannot fight or flee, the remaining options are to freeze or fawn—and the Yield lives right at that intersection. Positioned at the psychological crossroads of the freeze and fawn responses, the Yield reflex emerges as an instinctive mechanism for navigating systems of dominance or perceived environmental danger. Rather than fleeing or fighting, you stay put and either freeze in place or acquiesce.

I remember this response well from my childhood . . . you know those times when Mom would give you that look and demand, “What on earth were you thinking?!” Instantly, I knew I was in trouble. I had made a bad choice. There was nowhere to run and fighting Mom was definitely out of the question. I knew in that instant, she didn’t want to hear the logic, however misguided, had led to that moment. Rather than explaining, my eyes would grow large, my eyes and brain scanning for any opportunity to flee and when none appeared, I would shrink down within myself and respond, “I don’t know,” with a desperately sinking feeling in my stomach.

So how can we redirect this warning signal into actions that support our intentions and keep us emotionally safe? Try walking through these five steps next time you feel the automatic need to yield.

Recognize the Somatic Signal. Catching the body's physical cue before the old default loop takes over. What signal is your body giving?

Shallow or held breath

Tightness in throat/chest

Sudden drop in energy/feeling foggy/faint

Stomach tightening/nausea

Urgent need to demonstrate compliance (smiling, nodding, or softening your posture)

A sudden sense of guilt or fear if you were to say “No”

Something else you do.

Review and reconnect to your intention. Grounding yourself in what you actually want and the impact you want to create, rather than reacting to external pressure. 

Reminding yourself of your what and why reminds you in that moment when you may want to surrender why you started down this path and why it felt important to you can strengthen your resolve.

It is also the first step in communicating your sovereignty.

Isolate the indoctrinated script. Spotting the old voice (like "What on earth were you thinking?!") for what it is—an external conditioning, not your truth. 

How is that old voice translating the information you are currently receiving?

Incompetence, thoughtless, careless

Being difficult, stubborn

Put other’s needs before your own

Claim your Sovereign Reality. Stepping out from behind the glass and back into the driver's seat. Your needs, desires and dreams carry equal weight as those of others.

Use time as a support. If you need a moment to process, it is totally fair to respond that you need a moment to think it through.

What is true now for you that wasn’t when you first adopted the yield reflex for self-protection?

State your Sovereignty. State what you actually want, making it concrete and external through clear communication or action. 

What is driving this desire? Is it a fear of potential conflict or is it a desire to connect with the person confronting you?

If there were absolutely no consequences, punishment, or disappointment, what would you choose?

Sovereignty Statement: My intention is _________________________________ and in order to make that happen, I am choosing __________________________________.

This protocol isn’t designed to necessarily get you your way; however, it opens the door to a thoughtful discussion that is more likely to create a win-win solution rather than you having to surrender everything to keep the peace.

Tool of the Month: The Sovereignty Engine 

If you were wondering if there was an easy way to work through setting your intentions and boundaries, download your complementary Sovereignty Engine worksheet. Use it in conjunction with the examples above, on your own, or with me in a Sovereignty Mapping session to start building the life you’ve always wanted.

Notes from the Drafting Board

I can already hear the questions before I even schedule this newsletter, “Do you really use these tools? Isn’t that a lot of pre-planning to do before starting out on a goal? This doesn’t seem realistic.”

And I get it. I hear where you are coming from and I’ll be completely honest. While it influences and guides many of my decisions and pursuits, I don’t create an Intention Charter every time I want an ice cream sundae or need to shop for toilet paper. I do, however, use it for larger decisions and pursuits. I also use it when I am about to embark on a goal that I know will generate internal conflict. 

I recently created an Intention Charter for my goal to improve my overall health. I know this will involve developing new habits, like tracking food consumption, being more intentional about exercise, and changing eating habits. The inertia for this goal can be really steep. I’m not thinking about my kidneys when I chose soda over water on my pizza and movie night. 

I will review this Intention Charter on Monday, before I have my first consultation with a nutritionist. In complete vulnerability, I’ve considered canceling this appointment time and have secretly hoped I had accidentally missed it all together.

The short answer to those questions, yes I use these tools. The degree to which I apply them operates on a spectrum that allows me to respond more flexibly to my personal support needs. I get that there are a lot of questions in these tools. If I am drafting an Intention Charter for something I truly value and want to increase my odds of success. I come back to these tools when my plans go awry. They offer me a way to review my plan and the implementation process to problem solve and course correct. 

I offer up these tools as a starting point, a place for you to take them, adapt them and fuel your own personal sovereignty.