I was sitting at the conference room table fighting the urge to just lay my head down on the table top, close my eyes, and set sail on a blissful trip to dreamland. Anyone who truly knows me, knows early mornings are not my thing and getting up at 5:30 am to be at work a half hour early nearly kills me. (Yes, I know. That isn’t a fact and is completely terminal pessimism. My system flagged this as a 'Terminal Event,' though my Internal Manager later filed it under 'Significant Structural Nuisance.)

For the record, the only two beings in this entire universe who think that me getting up at 5:30 am is a good idea are my two kitties, Mazikeen and Loki. To be honest, they would prefer 3 am or 4 am, but will begrudgingly settle for later. The night before I knew the day would be challenging. My body was begging for a “no pedal commute" after riding a total of 14 miles on Athena, my treasured e-bike the ten miles from my work to my hip urban apartment. I’ve intentionally chosen not to have a car and my scooter was in the shop. That left me with one option for the morning commute – getting up at 5:30 am and  taking mass transit the whole way. So for better or worse, I set my alarm for the dreaded hour and took myself to bed early. 

The Foundational Assessment

After our team meeting, the cause of this ungodly start to my day, I ran an HRV (Heart Rate Variability) scan to assess the actual structural damage my system was facing. As someone who was indoctrinated to never trust the signals coming from my body and also living with chronic kidney disease, I rely on the Weltory app to provide myself with objective data about my energy levels. And while my scans clearly showed the early start to the day hadn’t killed me, it left me operating from a deep deficit. My energy level was at 44%. (My phone would have gone into battery saving mode at that level.) While my focus was “decent” at 64%, my stress level was up to 62% and my SNS (fight or flight) was on the verge of overtaking my PSNS (rest and digest), with my SNS at 52 and my PSNS was at 65. At best I was using as much energy and I was generating. At worst, I wasn’t far from my fight or flight system hijacking my brain and creating a challenging glitch.

I needed a plan if I was going to remain the sovereign of my own life for the whole day. I knew the system damage I was working with for the day. I’ve learned over the course of the past six months or so that I have been using Weltory, that the numbers I see right now aren’t necessarily going to stay as low. Now, to build a plan, I needed to know more about my system than just the deficits I was working with. There had to be structural strengths I could use to bear the load of the day besides the raw energy I was clearly lacking. 

• The first strength I found was in my HRV scans. My system might be dragging from an energy standpoint, but my system’s resilience was at 100%. I would clearly bounce back nicely from the early rising just fine as long as I structured my day in a supportive way. 

• From a physical standpoint my physical frame – my bone and muscle mass – was giving me a solid foundation of support and stability. Grounding myself in the stability and strength of my physical frame as the day unfolded would allow me to relax into taking the day one moment at a time.

• The work calendar didn’t look particularly too challenging. We had a guest using our training room but that was the only unusual thing on the calendar and this guest had been using our facility for several years so they would be fairly self-sufficient.

• I had an hour break for lunch. I could use this time for restorative activities besides just stuffing my face.

• My Anxiety Toolbox provides me with a variety of tools that would help support me throughout the day – periodic box breathing breaks; physical exercise; self-talk first aid and meditation.

The System Glitch

Now, wouldn’t it be nice if the only struggle of the day was the early start? Having spent the last several years really getting to know myself, I knew this was not the case. I had a whole psychological history that would run on autopilot in situations like this.

Diligence and hard work were concepts I had fully adopted, and while neither of those things were inherently bad, years of high-control religion had shifted those concepts from virtues into rigid, all or nothing approaches to life and work. If I wasn’t pushing the grindstone at full strength up the hill, I was being lazy and not giving a “just measure” (Sorry, I was raised on the Book of Proverbs.) There was no taking it as it goes, no pacing myself, just charging ahead at full speed. The idea of adopting an “I am doing my best and I can only do so much” attitude filled every part of my mental landscape; and multiple layers of panic were erupting. I had an inner toddler that was in a full-on temper tantrum. (Normally, this makes me super crabby and irritable on the outside.) The queen of blind faith was screaming about displeasing her deity and my internal manager was barking, “Work! Work! Work!”

The Sovereign Response

Clearly this was not the day for status quo or running on autopilot. I took several deep breaths, took the time to notice the chair supporting my body at my desk and reviewed the facts.

• I knew the day was going to be difficult. I am not a morning person. In fact, I think my spirit animal is the Owl.

• I had gone to bed at a time that allowed me to get a full night’s rest.

• My body had all the resilience it needed.

• I had a toolbox full of tools to interrupt the normal cycle that plays out on days like this.

• I knew that I could use those tools to create a change in my energy levels.

If I was going to be able to handle this day one moment, one phone call, one client at a time, box breathing was going to be essential. I find box breathing is really useful in quieting the inner committee and allows me to settle into my body and feel grounded. For my system, it is the equivalent of giving a crying baby their pacifier. With each cycle, I feel my body releasing and settling into the space I am occupying. I scheduled reminders to take a box breathing break every two hours.

At lunch, I choose to workout with a colleague of mine. Inside I was dreading it, but I knew it would help give me a small boost of endorphins, not to mention, further strengthen my foundation. I also took 15 minutes to sit and focus on my breathing. I celebrated the wins I had already had on such a “god awful” morning: I had made meaningful contributions to the team meeting as I had gratefully sipped on my lavender matcha latte. (My boss bribes us to come into these team meetings.🙂 I had readied the main floor of the office for all the tenants and clients who would be passing through. I had sorted and distributed mail, processed a variety of deliveries, and had managed to work on creating my sovereign lexicon to support my pursuit of sovereign living. I had effectively convinced the internal committee the day was not just survivable but thrivable! 

Supporting and Sustaining Personal Sovereignty

Several rounds of box breathing, a 15 minute meditation sit, some weight lifting and a nourishing lunch later, I found my system in a different state than I had started. I ran another HRV scan to see where my system was at only to find that many of the morning’s deficits were no longer impacting my system. 

Both my focus (+25%) and my energy (+24%) had increased over the course of the morning. My stress had gone down 17% and was in an ideal state for building system resilience. 

Objective proof the sovereign was back on their throne.